May 8, 2009
-
Gender Roles
I really get tired of all the established gender roles in our society. Now I know it is not all the direct result of religion, but it is linked. I think a lot of our gender roles come from having patriarchal societies rising to prominence across the globe, patriarchal societies that design religions based on their patriarchal society. Or maybe the religion came first and the patriarchal society was based on that. Perhaps even some religious doctrines may have developed from already established gender roles. So it is kind of a “chicken or the egg” comparison, not knowing which caused which (gender roles or religion), but they definitely are related.
Just in case you don’t know what a “gender role” is, let me explain. A gender role is an expectation for a person to act a certain way based entirely upon their gender. Other circumstances and other traits of your personality don’t matter; everything is based on your sex. Let me just list a few examples:
Males:
- Aren’t supposed to cry
- Are supposed to be physically tough
- Are supposed to be the breadwinner and head of the household
- Are supposed to like sports
- Are supposed to be leaders
- Are supposed to be attracted to (and have sex with) females
Females:
- Are supposed to be submissive
- Are supposed to stay at home and take care of the children
- Are supposed to shave their legs and wear makeup
- Are supposed to wear dresses/skirts
- Aren’t supposed to be in positions of leadership
- Are supposed to be attracted to (and have sex with) males
These are just a few examples of the many that are out there. I am sure that all of you have heard at least some of these in one form or another, and perhaps some of you even agree with some of them. These are all actions and traits that are expected of people simply based on whether they have a penis or a vagina. This isn’t even getting into the topic of transgendered people or hermaphrodites, both of which throw a huge wrench into established gender roles all by themselves. All of these expectations are assumptions based on what someone looks like on the outside and nothing else. There is a great amount of pressure to conform to these established “roles,” and if someone violates them they are often ridiculed, shamed, or judged. For example, if a man does something that is considered “feminine,” he may be called a “sissy” or “pussy” (people insult him by calling him a girl). A lot of it is somewhat mild, but certain circles can create considerable pressure to conform. In some societies and religions, not conforming to established gender roles may even result in death.
There is just an obvious comparison here that I can’t help but to make. People are being judged simply based on what they look like on the outside, with no regard for what is underneath. Based on what is expected of you for what you look like on the outside, people may mock you and/or treat you with contempt, and might even kill you. How is this any different from how African Americans were treated for centuries until the Civil Rights Movement came along? I’m not saying that all elements of racism have been eliminated, but we certainly have come a long way from where we were in 1850. But still, even though we may have made progress in the realm of stopping discrimination and segregation based upon race, we still discriminate against people who don’t act the way we think they should based on their anatomy.
This permeates so many areas of our society. I have already mentioned the religious areas, where women are expected to be submissive and wear certain things and where men are expected to be leaders. You see the fashion industry, where there is so much pressure on women to be as skinny as toothpicks. You see Hollywood, where you watch movies and TV shows with macho men doing outrageous action scenes and getting the girls (though it isn’t as bad as it used to be – you do sometimes see women in action scenes now). You watch sports on television which are still mostly dominated by males. You look at politics, where there are many women who participate but we have yet to elect a female president. It is even a major part of the debate on gay marriage, because parts of our established gender roles say that both genders are supposed to be straight. And you also can’t tell me that a certain amount of established gender roles don’t play into the abortion debate, whether it be through improper sex education or how women with unwanted pregnancies are treated.
Seriously people, when are we going to learn to stop judging people for what is on the outside and look at the inside? When are we going to realize that every individual person is unique and has their own unique personality? When are we going to realize that though people with certain physical organs may have a tendency to act a certain way it doesn’t mean that everybody with those organs will (or should be expected to) act that way? Not everyone who has a penis will fit into the definition of “masculine” in all (or even any) categories. Not everyone who has a vagina will fit into the definition of “feminine” in all (or even any) categories.
So stop expecting people to behave a certain way because of what you see on the outside. Most importantly, stop treating people a certain way because of what you see on the outside. Yes, your holy book might tell you differently, but it doesn’t make it any less wrong, in my opinion. Stereotypes are stereotypes, no matter what justification you use for them.
EDIT: No more timestamping, I promise. I was kind of wanting some feedback on this post, and with all the site maintenance I don’t know how many people got to see it. Plus, with my weird work hours I post things at weird times sometimes.
Comments (14)
I agree
Okay, there are definitely some areas where gender roles have been overdone or are just plain silly, like men not crying. But it is also silly to act as if men and women are the same, because they are NOT! Not only is our muscular structure and endurance different, but anyone who’s married knows that we just flat do not GET the mind of the opposite sex sometimes. It’s just a fact that boys and girls are different from the moment of conception, and not only in the arrangement of their genitals. Men and women not only look and function differently, but they think entirely differently. There are lots of great books on the subject, like Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. And for those who are convinced that it’s all a matter of conditioning, I would highly recommend Why Gender Matters by Leonard Sax. He has some really interesting stuff about physiological differences in the brain and senses at very young ages. Fascinating!
What’s cool is that these differences are so complementary. In general, men are better at some things and women are better at others, so all the different types of work are covered! Obviously, there are exceptions. There are women who are wonderful at negotiating tough business deals and men who excel at teaching preschool, but those are the exceptions rather than the rule.
I guess my point is, don’t rail about the unfairness of gender roles in general. Instead take a good hard look at why they are there. It happens mostly because that’s what we’re suited for and that’s what we want.
For instance, most men naturally want to be tough. It is satisying to them in some deep, basic way. It is also satisfying to them to look at a pretty woman. Most women like men to look at them, so they shave their legs and wear makeup. It’s not so much because they are expected to as because they want to. If you don’t believe it, hang around with some 10 yr olds and watch them for awhile. Most men like to lead, most women like to be protected. Yes, I’m sure a lot of it is taught, but it’s too universal for it not to be inborn. Do you know of any isolated society where the men do not hunt and fight? Just something to think about.
Very nice post. My favorite professor came out this year, actually, as transgendered. She is now going to be at my graduation luncheon and I’m really worried about how my dad is going to act around her. My dad is very conservative in this sort of aspect. Not accepting of people who are gay or transgendered or different than the norm. :S
Have you read Steve Taylor’s The Fall? If you’re interested in these kinds of questions, you might like that book.
@homefire - I’m not saying that men and women are the same. In fact, I am saying they are different, but I am also saying that each man differs from every other man. Every person is different from every other person. Yes, men may have a tendency to act a certain way that is different from the way women tend to act. But it doesn’t mean they should be expected or forced to adopt that role.
You say that men and women do certain things because they want to, and again, perhaps most men and women do. But how much of the “wanting” to do these certain things are pressures they feel to conform? I would also wonder how much of it is natural and how much of it is learned. It wouldn’t take long for a baby to be slapped in the face by gender roles as soon as they entered the world, and since children start mimicking adults from a very young age (walking and talking being two of the first imitations) they would start learning their specific gender roles as soon as they make the connection between behavior and anatomy. The only way to know for sure how much of it is natural would be to raise several children with no adult contact whatsoever and see what happens. If such an experiment were to be done, I think we would all be surprised at the results.
And there used to be societies where women did all the fighting and hunting, like the Amazons. So it has happened before, so obviously it isn’t always the natural development. I don’t know if there are any isolated societies where that happens today (if they are really isolated though, we wouldn’t know about them anyway), but it has happened in the past. Those matriarchal societies were beaten by patriarchal societies, and patriarchal societies ruled the world. It doesn’t mean that the patriarchal society was the “more natural” society, or even that the patriarchal society was the “better” society; all it means is that the patriarchal society happened to win.
The main thing I am saying is just to not expect or pressure people to act a certain way because of their gender. Yes, because they are a certain gender they might have a tendency to act one way or the other, but it doesn’t mean they always will and they shouldn’t be expected to.
@homefire - I agree with everything you wrote except toward the end regarding the appearance of universal traits and underlying causes.
Gender roles, in my opinion, exist metaphysically and are perfectly valid. Many of the things you listed in your gender roles for each gender is how men and women will naturally tend to do things–assuming they are going to fulfill gender roles (unless they are damaged in some way.)
Individuals vary, but in the sexual context there are things that cannot be otherwise, cannot be exceptions, and are the way they are for reasons beyond our control. They start with the very simple and basic and go from there.
Religion only did so much, but it actually supressed human sexuality and expression–it didn’t set the terms of conformation. And “society” in general did not set those terms, either.
We fit into our gender roles because that how we are as sexual entities, not because of religion or society.
@gsmith03 - Ah yes, stereotyping can be frustrating, whether it’s based on gender or some other classification. However, it happens ALL the time and really can’t be completely stopped. Even when we don’t want to, we find ourselves doing it. For instance the Susan Boyle episode–it wouldn’t have been any big deal except for the universality of stereotyping! Yes, she has a beautiful voice, but would have never become so famous if people didn’t judge a book by its cover.
@homefire - Yes, it does happen all the time, and may not ever be completely stopped, but I still think it is something we need to try to stop as much as possible. We could go around saying, bad things will always happen, so we might as well not even try to stop them and might as well just be bad ourselves, but I think the proper reaction is to try and stop it as much as we can. As it is with every “bad” thing in our society, I think change starts with the individual. As Gandhi said, “You have to be the change you want to see in the world.”
@gsmith03 - Yes, I wasn’t saying we shouldn’t try. I was simply saying we have to accept it and forgive, because it happens, and we do it ourselves, no matter how much we don’t want to. It’s like sin–ever-present, no matter how hard we try!
(I was told to read this post so Hello)… You make some awesome points about the expectations of gender roles and in many cases it’s still true. However, I believe society has come a long way in accepting people in different positions and with different traits. Yes – gender roles are still alive and well and living in the USA and nearly every place – however the mold is being broken. In many cases most people don’t bat at eye at seeing a male nurse or a female police officer and things like this. Careers are being crossed over and though it’s often difficult it’s not as difficult as it once was. Also it was once considered strange and the person doing the crossing over was ridiculed. No doubt that still goes on but it’s getting better. Our society is slowly becoming more open minded (go, society!)… You point out some of these changes yourself.
However I feel a lot of these gender roles are based on factors that came about before the advent of structured religion. One thing that was necessary in ancient history was for women to stay close to their offspring. Women had the babies and had to feed the babies with breast milk. They were tied to the children in an undeniable physical way which is simply part of nature and physiology. Women couldn’t go off for a day stalking the large prey needed to be killed in order to feed the clan. They had to be near at hand in order to feed their child. And in relation to this was the fact of how males grew larger and stronger but females grew breasts and began menses. The protection of the female while pregnant or while the baby was totally dependent on the mother was no doubt in part the reason for the role of strong male/ protect female cycle. Protecting the female was in fact protecting the strength of the tribe/ clan in numbers, etc. In the same way it led to women being considered a burden and of not as much use to the tribe/ clan (a catch 22) Thus the beginning of our male/ female roles long before religion ever stepped in. Though it’s apparent religion reinforced these differences and champion the cause of gender roles to a certain extent (I try to steer away from religious discussions)
I agree with some others in stating that men and women are just different. We are. That is science. Body make up and chemistry is different and this plays a part in how certain things function & influence gender roles but just as nature plays a part so does nurture. On that I most certainly agree. Boys are given trucks and girls are given dolls. We perpetuate the stereotyping.
Having said that it is a situation of our very nature, the imprinting of history on our psyche, the expectations of society and physiology that demand a certain amount of gender role’s stereotyping. However – it’s getting better and we just have to do our best not to judge or stereotype people we know (just as you suggest).
peace always
P.S… it means a lot to me to see a man who is willing to cry (at appropriate things…). In no way do I think they are weak or “girlie”… and I enjoy being a woman.
@peacenow - I agree with most of what you said.
I think that society has come a long way in fighting gender stereotyping, just like we have come a long way toward eliminating racism. We have made a lot of strides in the fight against generalizations and stereotypes in many areas. But I think we still have a long way to go.
I think you are right that at least some of these gender roles came about as a result of what many ancient cultures felt they needed to do for survival, like protecting pregnant and nursing women. However, not all cultures in history did things this way. There were matriarchal societies where the women were the leaders and fighters and the men stayed at home. Most cultures may have been patriarchal, but not all. But one could argue that the “survival of the fittest” idea shows that this perhaps was the best way to do it. I admit that there were probably good intentions for when they started, and it wasn’t to put certain people below others. And while I don’t think all of them started with religion, I think religion has definitely fed them and fed off of them. I think religion also added its own gender roles to the mix that were not necessary for survival. I am not trying to blame everything on religion, but the connection is there.
My main thing is, even though many gender roles may have been necessary for survival at their origin, they are not necessary for survival now. The reason I connected it to religion is because I think religion is one of the major influences that have kept them alive for so long, much longer than they needed to be. All gender roles do now is make room for people to generalize and stereotype (something you mentioned when you talked about the “Catch-22”) and I think that is wrong. Plus, there are the contributions from religion that I think definitely are not needed and should also be done away with. You are right that there are certain things about men and women that are just different, just like there are certain things about white people and black people that are just different, but this doesn’t make it okay to just expect someone to act a certain way totally based on their sex. No two women act the same way, just as no two men act the same way, and they shouldn’t be expected to.
I thank you for reading my post, and I really appreciate your input.
@tjordanm - I had made a reply to you, but problems with Xanga kept messing it up and so it doesn’t look like it showed up. But my reply above to peacenow I think sums up a lot of what I was going to say in response to you.
Thanks for your input, by the way. I know sometimes you like to play DA (so do I) so I don’t know if you were doing that here or not. Whether you were or not, I think you made some good points, and I thank you.
@gsmith03 - I wasn’t playing DA here, just my actual thoughts.